How to not insult a Chinese family

by Abbie
(England)

I’m dating a Chinese guy, and have been invited to a family gathering of his. I would like to know if there are any customs or things I should do or say, to not insult the family.

I should also add that I’ve never met his parents before. I want to make the best first impression.




Christina's Answer:

Nihao Abbie,

First of all, I would like to say “congratulations” to you!

Why? Because your Chinese boyfriend takes you as his future wife. Otherwise he wouldn't have invited you to his family gathering, or even introduce you to his family. His invitation means he is serious about your relationship and hopes you can gain the approval of his family.

And here are some tips for your reference:

1. Be polite, don't be nervous, and just take it easy. When his family is willing to meet you, that means they have scored you at least an 80%. So you can relax, his family wants to like you.
   
   As the saying goes, “Courtesy costs nothing.”
   
   All parents prefer girls to be polite and educated. Talking too much could lead to errors, so if possible, don't talk too much. When they ask you a question, look into their eyes and answer boldly with a smile on your face. You must be calm and natural!!
2. When having meals, don't be shy. Just feel at home. If you and your boyfriend can help serve each other with the dishes, his parents would be glad to see that you take care of each other. Remember that usually the male's family don't like their future daughter-in-law to drink. Even if they ask you to have some, you should say no, and ask for some juice as a substitute. Even if you don't drink, it is important to propose a toast. First, toast his grandparents, then his parents, then the other family members. If you really want to make a great impression, here are a few Chinese toasts you can memorize.
3. Don't forget to bring some gifts for his parents. It's best if you know his parents preferences or favorites. If you don’t know, fresh fruit is a safe choice.

Good luck!

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