Chances are that you'll endure a long distance relationship at some point. Especially if you have a Chinese girlfriend.
Maybe waiting for her visa, or your visa, or she's visiting her family or you're visiting your family. Or those way-too-long work assignments in a far-off land.
“Though a thousand miles
apart, two lovers destined to meet are joined by a common thread.”
-Ancient Chinese Proverb
And if you believe that there is only one soulmate out there for you in this world...odds are she's Chinese. After all...
“Apparently, 1 in 5
people in the world are
Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of
them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my
younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.”
And so if you find yourself in a long distance relationship...there are three keys that will shorten that distance. Anticipation, daily contact and physical contact.
Presumably you don't want the long distance relationship to last forever. At least, not the long distance part.
So there is some kind of end date that you can anticipate.
Looking forward to that ending is one of the easiest ways to shorten the distance instantly. Here are a few ideas how:
Some people like to count down the number of days left until you see each other again. I created a countdown with big sheets of paper. Each day, I gleefully ripped another page to shreds and moved one step closer to a joyous reunion with my lover.
And when my Chinese girlfriend told me exactly how many days it would be until we saw each other next - I was amazed. She really loves me!
Sometimes you don't know exactly when the next time you see each other will be. Especially if your next encounter depends on the approval of a visa. So what do you do then?
Plan. Imagine what it'll be like, when that day comes. What will you do together? What will it feel like?
The more details you add to your plans, the more real they become. And the shorter the distance feels in your long distance relationship.
In my experience, this is the most fun part of any relationship. Creating a surprise that you know will thrill and delight your lover is a joy in itself.
And going through the details in your head (to make sure you've thought of everything) makes it feel almost real.
And that makes the distance shorter. Sometimes, if you have a really elaborate surprise in mind, it might feel as if you need more time apart.
One common factor in successful long distance relationships is daily contact.
Remember that your daily contact with your lover is the impression she'll carry with her for the next 24 hours or so. Make sure you feel positive (especially about her and the relationship) before you get in touch.
Is that harder than it sounds? Just make a list of some of the things you like about her.
And ask yourself what impression you want to leave on her. Do this before you connect with her.
QQ is the most popular Chat/Messenger software in China. I recommend using one of the English versions, especially if your Chinese is not so good yet.
My Chinese girlfriend only asked one thing of me while we were apart. She said: “You everyday call me.” Wow! I never called ANYONE every single day. And with all those calls to China, what would my phone bill look like?
It all worked out fine. She loved hearing from me each day. It made all the difference.
And anytime I ask a Chinese girl how she manages to maintain a long distance relationship, the first thing she usually says is a daily phone call.
Of course, emails are a no-brainer. And remember that sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. Hotmail, Gmail and Yahoo are all available in Chinese.
You're probably wondering - how can you have physical contact if you live on opposite sides of the globe?
Sure, you may not be able to touch each other. But when you send her an object, and she touches it - it activates her sense of touch. And it's coming from you.
It's not as good as the real thing, but physical contact is still important in a long distance relationship.
Email is great because it's instant. But when you want to touch someone's heart, snail mail is where it's at.
Your own handwriting expresses so much more than any computer font. And you can clip pictures, photos, drawings...you can even burn a DVD with music or videos.
Get creative and send something unexpected.
Flowers are touching. And it's easier now than ever before to send flowers to China.
Make sure you send her the right number of flowers. Did you know that your bouquet may send your girlfriend a hidden message? Learn more about how many Chinese flowers send her what kind of message...»
Gifts can brighten those lonely long distance days.