This lovely Chinese girl is hesitant to communicate directly

by Bob
(United States)

She's very adamant about not talking on phone or other means.

Hi, I have been writing to a lovely Chinese girl for four months. Her English is poor and she is hesitant about direct contact, so she says, because of this. I have given her an email address on Yahoo which we use occasionally. She does not want to use QQ which is the premiere tool in China from what I see.

I know she is reserved by nature. She had a failed marriage... is very romantic in her writing... but very adamant about me not visiting just yet or not talking on phone or other means, QQ, Skype...

...Any thoughts?

Thanks
Bob
-U.S.

Victoria's Answer:

Nihao Bob,

First of all, congratulations! You found your dream girl.

Even if she had a failed marriage, she hasn't given up on the pursuit of happiness.

She is choosing her future soulmate in a very careful and reserved manner. You should be happy that she behaves herself and considers you as a possible choice.

It is normal that people will be more careful if they had unhappy memories in their past relationships.

Especially for females, some even can't overcome it and remain single for the rest of her life.

But your girl still looks for true love, that means she is strong in mind...which is worthy of respect.

Just take it easy, slow and don't rush things.

Maybe for you, 4 months is long enough to know a person well. For a woman who had a failed marriage, it will take a longer time to make decisions.

As you mentioned at the beginning of your question, she is not good at English.

That is most likely why she prefers to contact you by email, instead of by phone or other means.

When I spoke to a foreigner for the first time, I was very nervous and didn't even know what to say. And I knew English – where your girlfriend doesn't know enough English words to express herself freely.

As for meeting each other face to face, when the right time comes, she will accept your invitation and go out. Be patient. If everything goes smoothly, that day will likely come soon.

Best regards,

Victoria

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This lovely Chinese girl is hesitant to communicate directly

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Be careful
by: TexRancherMan

Be very careful... you never really know who your writing too or who is answer your letters ! If she is unable to understand English there must be at least a translator helping her and more then likely an International Chinese marriage agency... you really need to get her to QQ with you ! ! ! QQ International has a built in translator... Don't fall in love yet ! You may only be communicating with some translator in some back office in some city in China ! Their are many beautiful Chinese girls and most can read and write at least some english. I am married to a Chinese lady and live in Changsha, China (TexRancherMan at Gmail)My wife is a Chinese to Chinese matchmaker... If I can help you let me know... Good luck...

Try Bing Translate
by: Anonymous

You might try communicating with her using Bing Translate.
I've been communication for several months with a lovely woman I met who lives in Beijing. She, too, was reluctant to communicate because she spoke limited English. But I knew we had a lot in common and really wanted to get to know her. So I decided I needed to find a way to communicate in her language.
Just the fact that I would go to the effort of communicating in Mandarin when I don't Chinese really impressed her (BTW, with her help, I am now learning Manadarin, slowly). She has also been impressed that I write to her almost every day in her language, and she writes to me often. We also now are video chatting regularly, and I plan to go to China soon to meet her.
Originally I was using google translate, but she and I are now both using Bing Translate. None of the translation programs are perfect, but it's the best we've found. I first write what I want to say in English, then copy and paste the simplified Chinese and translate it back to English. Some sentences won't make sense, and some tweaking is required. But with some effort, you usually can find a way to say what you want. Just beware that there sometimes can be major errors, like the time I was trying to ask her how to say "I'm sleepy" and at her end, it came out that I was saying something about decapitation! Which is not what the translation program said I was saying.

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