What Future Can I Expect from this Chinese Boyfriend?

by Sieyum
(Philippines)

"I met this Chinese guy in the bank that I work in..."

I met this Chinese guy in the bank that I work in. I am a Filipina and I reside in the Philippines. As what is pretty much the thing these days, he befriended me by asking for my cellphone number. Although he pretty much goes to the bank every week, we became friends more with our texting/sms exchanges.

It may seem like a superficial or shallow friendship, but I can tell that it is a genuine bond. He tried to shower me with edible gifts (food hehehe) but i told him to stop because I was not so comfortable about it.

Our communication started pretty much like an everyday thing, with him almost always being the initiator.

I didn't want to come on strong or too aggressive to him, so I would just wait until he would text me.

He works all day and ends a little late at night. So in the first few months, I was sleepless as he texts at around 10:30pm (Nevertheless, I still looked okay as he is such a sweet funny guy. He makes me laugh and that makes up for the dark circles under my eyes).

The content of our text exchanges began with getting-to-know-you questions and jokes, and eventually became a little serious with sharings of personal struggles and experiences.

After 3 months of message exchanges and weekly 2-or-3-minutes-in-the-bank encounters, he spoke to me about having feelings of love. He asked whether I like him or not.

With nothing but the truth to tell, I told him that I like him. Chinese happy face

My concerns:

I don't mind if he hasn't told me that he loves me. What bothers me is that he said he's got feelings but we actually haven't gone out yet! Reason: he's got no time, at the moment. That's what he says. There had been times that I was at the point of asking him out myself, thinking that he just might be shy to actually ask me out. Would it be wise to try asking him out? Why is time such a pricey thing to ask from Chinese guys? grrrr...
He has a baby AND that does not turn me off. What's got me worrying is the mother of the baby. I've been told by his saleslady that he MAY still be married. In fact, the mother has supposedly come here in the country TO WIN HIM BACK. The same sales lady has told me that MY GUY was so devastated about the situation that he threw stocks around. He's allegedly not treating the woman well and is acting like he's seeing a ghost.
(Background: that woman allegedly didn't treat him well while they were in China. When MY GUY wasn't earning well, she would be going out with other guys while they were together. When she gave birth, she left the baby in the hospital and MY GUY had to pay off the hospital just to have the baby. That's when he came to the Philippines and had business here with his brother. It was less than four years ago. The baby was left to MY GUY's mother.)
All this information I found out from his saleslady. I tried asking MY GUY, but he would not answer and shrug me off by saying that he does not know how to tell me about it.
Why do you think won't he tell me about it? (he does not speak English or the local dialect well...which could be making it harder for him to tell me)
Are there 5-year marriage contracts for real in China? Is it true that one party may not renew the said contract and be considered divorced then? I asked about this because somewhere in the conversations, it was brought up but was not talked about thoroughly. Could he just be leading me on?
Several times, he has spoken of thinking about me as his wife. HOWEVER, he has asked me to wait for him, for the right time. But that if I do like someone else, I was free to be with that someone else....?????

I really don't want to pressure him in anyway. I also don't want to expect too much out of this.

I just want to let things happen, but I'm afraid to be setting my heart for failure.

MY GUY can all be worthy of what I'm willing to put on the line but with the language barrier and all, there are things that I want to be enlightened about.

Please do share your thoughts... thank you...

Victoria's Answer:

Hi Sieyum,

Thanks for sharing your story.

In China, the law does say that if the wife and husband don't live together for over two years, then one party can ask to get divorced.

And I think the first thing you need to do is to determine if he is still married.

If he hasn't divorced yet but he considers you as his wife, then I don't think he is a man worth your love and it is a not a sensible choice to get married with him.

What's more, you haven't even had a chance to go out. We can find a lot when we go out. Chinese happy face

Of course, you can ask him out. Just as a friend, send out an invitation.

As for why he didn't tell you the story about him and his wife, probably his lack of English is one of the reasons. Besides, a lot of Chinese men don't like to share their marriage stories with others, even if you are his next wife. There is no need to feel confused about this issue.

Your guy asked you to wait for him. Are you sure the right time will come soon? How about 10 years?

Time could change everything! I suggest you to consider carefully.

If it turns out your Chinese guy really is your MR. RIGHT, tben the language barrier is not a big problem. You can communicate with body language. Chinese happy face

Best regards,

Victoria