Will my Chinese guy's parents hate him if he dates me?

by Maria
(New York, New York)

I have this Chinese guy that I have been friends with for awhile now. So we decided to date and I will go to visit him in China in March and stay with him there for a month.

But I am a Black female. So about a week ago he tells me that his parents will not accept me because of my skin color.

He says that he has no problem with it, but his parents don't want him to date me. But he says that he decided to go against them because he loves me.

So he asks that I still come to visit with him and not worry about anything. So I agree.

But now he says that he is not sure what he will do, or what he can do, because the parents warned him that if he dates me then he will be cut off from them and will not get their property.

He says that he does not care for the property but does not want his parents to hate him. He says that he still loves me and still wants to meet me before making a final decision on what to do.

I understand this, but I still worry for him because I don't want him to be sad. What do you think will happen and what do you think that I should do?

Please, I thank you for your help.


Victoria's Answer:

Hi Maria,

First of all, thanks for your question.

I think 90% of Chinese parents wouldn't like their boy to get married with a black female. But that doesn't mean we Chinese discriminate against black people, it is just like many foreigners don't like yellow skin.

I think maybe his parents don't want their grandchild to have black skin. Many Chinese people believe white will be more beautiful. There is an ancient Chinese saying: “A white complexion is powerful enough to hide seven faults.”

And at the moment, they are against you being with their son just because they don't know enough about you. Maybe all they know of you is your skin color - and you are so much more than that.

My suggestion is that you should go to visit your Chinese guy and his family. Fight together with your boyfriend, and show how much you love each other. Let his parents know that their son would be happy forever to be with you.

As a mother to be, I can foresee that if both of you tried your best to get their approval and let them see that you two would be happy if you get married, I think his parents would accept you.

Parents love their son more than themselves. Usually parents will make concessions when facing their child's insistence and happiness.

Don't worry, just take it easy and be ready to show his parents your advantages — your loveliness, your filial piety, your
matureness...

...The most important point is that your Chinese guy should stand beside you. If he just lets you do everything yourself, then you can leave him. For he doesn't love you as much as he says and there will be someone better waiting for you.

If he tries to persuade his parents together with you, I believe there will be good news.

Wish you good luck!

Victoria

Best regards,







Photo courtesy of Lance Neilsen.